


Grief is another name for Love

by theheartandhead



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: 'cause I'm still Bellarke trash, Basically Becho bonding by Bellamy's grief over Clarke, Bonding, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hints of Bellarke, Lost Love, Memories, Minor Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 11:45:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14831681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theheartandhead/pseuds/theheartandhead
Summary: “Tell me about her.”“What?”“She saved my life and I feel bad that I don’t know anything about her other than her being a badass.” Her smile was almost believable. Almost.But he knew what she was trying to achieve, and it made him smile once again.





	Grief is another name for Love

**Author's Note:**

> If you assume, that I am a huge Bellarke shipper, you're damn right. But this idea came to me a few days ago and I just thought it would be a good thing to write and Becho fans might enjoy it. So here we are.
> 
> I might add, that english isn't my main language, so please don't be bothered about some mistakes.
> 
> Enjoy!

1827 days.

For Bellamy, it was hard to stop himself from counting the days which have passed since they arrived back at the Arc. Or better, what was left of it. He hated this place more than anything. This was the place which took his mother from him, the place that locked his sister in just because he couldn’t make sure to bring her home safely after her first dance. He hated those stupid tube lights which were supposed to create the daylight and failed miserably. He knew exactly that those would never be nearly as beautiful as the sunlight shining down to earth, lighting it up in so many beautiful colors. His time on earth wasn’t much, but he missed every single second of it. So he started counting the days, he could return to earth. His actual home, far away from this dark place.

Back to his sister, his responsibility.

Back to the place, where he made a certain choice which still haunts him in his dreams some nights. He dreams about blonde hair, glowing in the sunlight. Piercing blue eyes, shining through his soul. Her smile, even more beautiful than the sunlight. But it wouldn’t be a good dream. Everytime she appears in his dreams, her angelic face would turn into something dark, like one of those creepy things, he read about in some of his mother’s old books she tried to keep away from him. Her face would be red like a lobster and burned like she boiled her face in a pot of hot water. But this wouldn’t be the worst part of it. No. The only thing worse than her beautiful appearance burning from the toxic air would be her voice. There wouldn’t be anything left of the soft and angelic tone she always had. Hell, he would be glad if her voice would be judgmental and cold like it was when they both claimed to hate each other those first days down on the ground.

No. In his dreams, her voice would sound foreign and raucous, like her vocal chords were burned by earth as well.

_‘You let me die. I’m dead because of you. This is on you. You left me. I needed you and you left me. You put my name on the list, but you let me die anyway.’_

He would hear those words over and over again and knew exactly, that he would wake up right after that, heavily breathing and scared as hell. It got better after a few years, but the guilt was still there. Buried deep in his mind and he wouldn’t allow it to come out, not even when he spend most of the time looking out of that window down to earth, hoping at least his sister would be okay. At least, he could safe her.

 

“She’s gonna be okay.”

A familiar voice interrupted his dwell on thoughts about the past and a pair of slender but well trained and inked arms wrapped themselves around his upper body from behind. Of course he didn’t had to turn around to know who it was, he would recognize this beautiful voice everywhere belonging to the magnificent woman he grown to love. Funny how things change, when only a few years ago he would have strangled her for trying to kill his sister again if Roan didn’t interrupt him. Just a few years ago the loathed her with everything he had, but now she was a part of his family. Their relationship shifted only two years ago but since then, he did much more for him than he bargained for. He had time to forgive her, to get to know her. He knew about her life down on the ground. He knew about the time, Nia abducted her from her family to raise her herself as a spy for Azgeda. He knew about her desperate wish to be more than just that. He knew about her feelings for Roan, who never appreciated them.

 _‘Well, Roan was a dick.’_ It was the first thought he couldn’t keep from blurting out of his mouth and it made her laugh and that day he knew, he wanted to make her laugh more often. They became friends shortly after, when he saw how much she cared about Raven after her brace broke and she was in pain for a few days until she could make a new one. He started to grow fond of her when she kicked Murphy’s ass at chess or the time she told Emori to finally put her glove away because she would _‘kick all those idiots up to space if anyone lays a hand on her freaking hot frikdreina’_. Even Bellamy himself was surprised, how quick he started to fall in love with her, especially after he thought he left his heart behind to die along with the woman it belonged to. Apparently, he was wrong.

“I know.” His stern face turned into something soft when he took one last glance out of the window of their room and down to earth, before he turned around and wrapped his arms around her waist. “I just miss her.”

“I know you do, but Raven promised to make enough fuel in a few days. You’re gonna see her soon, Bellamy.” If he wasn’t already deeply in love with her – after this, he certainly would. Octavia banished her and he knew she still was afraid it would happen again but he always made sure, she knew she had a home with him.

“I love you. You know that, right?”

Her beautiful brown eyes gleamed with affection and when she leaned forward to kiss him, he couldn’t do other than kiss her back. Like her lips were only made for him to be kissed. He forgave her mistakes a long time ago and only with her he could allow himself to be happy. Just once, without being the fearless leader the others saw him as. With her, he could be just Bellamy Blake. A twenty-eight year old man, being in love with his beautiful girlfriend and not thinking about his sister or face of the blonde woman he loved and lost.

 

 

But of course his happiness wouldn’t last long.

It was only a few hours later that Raven told him, she wouldn’t be able to make enough fuel to get them back to earth just in time. She needed at least another year and even than she wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to. His hope of seeing his sister again in only a few days crashed down in shreds. No. No. No. No. No. They weren’t even able to make contact down to earth since their communication system broke down just a few hours after they arrived on the Ring in the first place. He needed his sister to be okay! He needed a way to let her know he would do everything he could to be with her. Hell, if it weren’t for his lungs drying out and him probably bursting down to the ground like a bubble, he would jump right down there by himself! But he couldn’t.

Hiding his anger from the others, he went to his room and kicked the shelf right next to his bed which lead into almost all of the stuff falling down. Fuck. Picking it up again, he didn’t even know what it was in the first place. Some of it must belong to Echo, like some strange Azgeda symbols and such. Some of it must’ve belonged to whoever slept in this room before the Arc came down and he forbit himself to think about who it was. But all of it wasn’t what gained his attention.

Lying there on the ground near his bedpost was a little pocket watch. The glass was broken and the wristband was covered in dusk and mud. But he knew exactly, who it belonged to and he didn’t even had to turn it around to see the initials at the back of it.

**J. G. Jake Griffin.**

Bellamy sat down on his bed and ran his fingers over the light cracked glass of the dial and he could feel the lump in his throat and in that moment, all came back.

He promised Abby, to keep her daughter safe and he failed. Coming down to earth meant, he had to tell her about it. About how he let her behind to die.

He remembered his nightmares, which not even Echo could make disappear completely. He remembered her face, the last embrace he shared with her. The last words, he told her. _‘You too.’_ God, he wished he would have had the guts to tell her. If only…

“Are you okay?”

No. He definitely wasn’t, but he didn’t have to tell her anyway. It took only two seconds of Echo to notice his vulnerability to sit down on the bed next to him and wrap her arms around his shoulders and that was all it took for him to allow himself to cry. For the first time it wasn’t his sister which was constantly on his mind. This time, it was the blonde girl which always knew how to push his buttons but always wrapped him around her little finger regardless. He had no idea, why he still had her father’s watch. He remembered finding it in what was left of Arcadia after Ilian burned it down and he wanted to return it to her. But with all their ways to safe their people, the fight against Praimfaya and his confused feelings, he must have forgot. And now he was staring at it again and crying over a dead girl in the arms of his girlfriend. God, he was an ass.

“I…I’m sorry. I just…” His throat was still hoarse, and he couldn’t find the right words, but once again he didn’t have to. Echo knew exactly what was going on and her response surprised him once more.

“Tell me about her.”

“What?”

“She saved my life and I feel bad that I don’t know anything about her other than her being a badass.” Her smile was almost believable. Almost.

But he knew what she was trying to achieve, and it made him smile once again.

“Oh yeah, she was a badass. Pretty annoying badass at first, to be honest.” A little laugh left his lips and his sadness slowly faded away. “When we came to the ground, she always knew a way to drive me crazy, but not in a good way. She was this spoiled little princess, always living a better life than everyone else. Hell, I hated her for having such a great life while I had to work hard to help Mom out. But the longer we worked together to keep those children alive, the better I got to get to know her. I knew, she only tried her best to keep them alive. She never cared about herself. She always knew what was right and wrong. She used her head, even though the aftermath wasn’t always that good. Without her, I never would have made it. In so many ways. She was a fierce friend and even though she always claimed to be a person by head, I knew she had a great heart. I saw it in the way she loved Lexa. I knew how much it hurt her to lose her, because I lost her too when she left us after Mount Weather. I was so angry, because I realized that she was more than just a friend to me. She was much more than that and I needed her. When she came back, things shifted between us, but never in the way I often wished it would be.”

He paused for a while and looked down at the old watch, turning it in his fingers.

“When Gina died…” He felt Echo tense up next to him but kept talking anyway – he forgave her after all.

“…and Clarke came back, I felt whole again. I know it wasn’t fair to Gina, but it was like coming home. Of course I never forgot about Gina. But having Clarke by my side made it much better. I couldn’t imagine a world without her and I realized that her being dead would hurt so much more.” _Like it does now._

“Having her gave me strength and was all I needed. She kept us together, all of us. Without her, we wouldn’t be here. She saved us all.”

His smile grew fonder, like it did all those years ago whenever Clarke was around him and just for a little moment, it felt like she was here with him.

“She would be proud of you, Bellamy. You kept us alive and I know you’re gonna keep doing so once we’re gonna go back.” Echo knew that his love for her would never compare to what he felt for Clarke. But for now, it was more than she bargained for and she was thankful, that he could open up to her. And just for a little moment, she wasn’t jealous of Wanheda, the fierce girl who stole the heart of the man she was hopelessly in love with. She wasn’t jealous that he probably would never be able to love her as much as he loved her.

For this moment, she was grateful and wished that one day she could thank the blonde girl for her sacrifice and for saving her life and giving her a new one, a much better one and a family, which would always be her home.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in another language than my own, so don't be too harsh on me.
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://theheartandhead.tumblr.com)


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